Disclaimer Note– This blog contains personal spiritual experiences and doesn’t generalize anything. It is the story of a personal journey and means no disrespect to anybody’s religious sentiments. This material doesn’t advocate any particular religion and should be approached with an open mind.
In a world which is conspicuously getting ruthless, unforgiving, fiercely competitive and callous, there seems to be just one source of relief, just one glimmer of hope to turn to….The God ! He is believed to be sitting up there, relentlessly fulfilling countless wishes of people all over the world and He doesn’t slumber ! Poor him ! Seriously !
Being born into an almost atheistical Hindu family, which never really was fully convinced of God’s existence, given that they are from Science and Technology background and attributed everything around them to Scientific Laws, I would never really pray to a deity or visit a temple as a child.
Ten years back when I was out of college and home, to work and make my own money, I was beginning to face the real world. I lived in the company’s two-bedroom accommodation with five girls. Sharing bathrooms, beds, kitchen and almost everything one can imagine, was not easy with a bunch of quarrelsome girls. To make things worse I had a boss-from-hell. I was busted and desperate. I needed a new job, most definitely with a better salary. There was an interview call from Chennai city’s leading five star hotel which was touted for having city’s prettiest girls as employees. I always considered myself less than average looking and wasn’t too hopeful of making it and dispiritedly applied for the job. Around then, my current apartment had a tiny Pooja room with few Gods pictures and the girls would light lamp and incense sticks and pray. My friend told me that one of the Gods in there is Lord Balaji. I looked carefully at the picture, I saw a black figure, man-like thingy clad in silk, wearing lots of jewels. I had had visited temples earlier with friends, purely to give company and had seen similar looking idols. But I could never tell the difference as to who is who!! My friend told me Lord Balaji will answer my prayers if I devotedly worship him. I did ! I gave the interview and cleared it ! I was so excited that I would be walking in and out of this world-class hotel everyday ! I was happy and forgot to pray, habitually !
Few days later I was woken up with a gasp, sweating and shaking, by an unusual dream. I narrated the dream to my room-mate, it was a humongous black figure standing in front of me like a tall tower blocking what seemed like a black nebulous cloud moving towards me. I told her that few days back I had made a wish to Lord Balaji and never went back praying to him after the wish was fulfilled. I was suggested to visit Thirupathi. I did, and with full faith. I totally loved the whole experience of my first pilgrimage of life.
Similarly in many such moments of desperation I would switch to different gods, right from Lord Hanuman, to Lord Shiva, to Pondicherry Mother and so many more. Some wishes were fulfilled and some were not !
I was seeking for something and worse, I didn’t know what was it exactly. But while I would visit temples I would wonder about many things. Why would every one crowd up near the idol pushing everyone away in such a barbaric manner, do they think the God is actually inside that idol and nearer they get the more luckier they are believed to become ?!
It’s a general belief that a woman shouldn’t go to a temple or near a god’s idol during her menses. This really hurt me. I would wonder, if I was supposedly God’s creation, then is this part of mine not created by Him, and if yes, then why should He have a problem with it ?
We have so many Gods and so many God’s names, does that mean we have Creators and not one Creator ? Has this Creator created us or are we creating him by making his colorful idols ? Is there one God or many Gods ? If there are many God’s then whose name am I supposed to chant when I find myself in trouble ? Whom I supposed to thank when a wish is fulfilled ? Are these umpteen Gods working in a kingdom holding various positions ? If yes then there should be a Head who is directing them, who is The Head ? Who is The God ?
I needed answers for these questions because I was never going to buy what is a general belief. I think a creation has the right to know who its Creator is ! I was restless!
While I was juggling through these doubts as to who is my true God, I had several unknown fears like any other person. Fear of failure, fear of pain, fear of death and many more. A friend came to my rescue and addressed these doubts/fears and narrated as to how we were created right from scratch. She told me about fable of Adam and Eve, how the first man came on earth. How we went astray from The Kingdom of God? How much He loves us that He sent his Son to redeem us!
I find connection with this God, instant. He is connected 24/7, 365 days a year, not a single moment is ruled out. Wow!! And I don’t have to so much as burn a lamp or light an incense stick or offer flowers to please him. All I have to do is just talk to Him. I know He listens because those unknown fears have truly diminished. There are no more bad dreams. There is an inexplicable sense of peace and freedom.
I feel Him around me and most certainly I have found Him!! 🙂 🙂